


Hold The Cheese

by blipblorpsnork



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: College AU, M/M, Post canon, Shrimpshipping, a complete buffoon, a total idiot, drug mention, in which rex is Too High, ish, none pizza with left beef, pizza boners, rex is a stoner, sanfransokyo ygo dm edition, set in the nebulous realm of 'is domino in the US or Japan we will never know tm', shenanigans ensue, stoner food, weed use, weird comedic shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-26 17:37:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19010590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blipblorpsnork/pseuds/blipblorpsnork
Summary: It shouldn't be that hard to order pizza from a place you go to regularly, but tell that to Rex "Guys I'm Too High" Raptor.





	Hold The Cheese

**Author's Note:**

> Very loosely inspired by [this post](https://blipblorpsnork.tumblr.com/post/185209921215).

“Hey what was the number for the pizza place down by the old liquor store? You know, the one that sells wings?”

Weevil Underwood looked up from the iridescent specimen he was pinning for part of his certifications courses at the museum that had just hired him, a quizzical look in his eyes. “Why would I know that?” He wasn’t a phonebook.

“I dunno man I’m tryna find it online and I can’t for some reason like, look—”

Rex stood and walked over to where his boyfriend sat, careful not to disturb his workspace, and handed him his phone. The browser app was open to a Google search showing various pizza chains in the area Rex was looking for, but none of them seemed to be the one he was talking about. He’d scrolled well down the page of “pizza near me” and several links were purple, indicating he’d gone to them and backed out once more.

“Huh. Have you tried just looking up the name?” He handed the phone back after wiping it on his thigh, grimacing at the lingering scent of Indica on his fingers. How does someone’s phone screen get so weird and greasy when they’re not even eating greasy foods? Jeez...

“I can’t remember the name dude, I just wanna get pizza from them.” Rex returned to the couch and flopped onto it bodily, sighing morosely and typing on his phone as he initiated another round of searching. “They do this thing where they’ll like put the wings onto the pizza for you man I want som’a that so bad dude.”

Cue another grimace. Blue eyes flicked to their corners to regard the brunette—he looked…. Disgustingly cute with one leg over the back of the couch, another over the arm, and his own arm crooked over his head against the arm rest, but like hell Weevil was going to tell him that—before he spoke again. “Can’t you just order pizza and wings separately and put them on the pizza yourself?”

Rex shot him a bewildered, completely and utterly scandalized look. “What? No man I’d be like double baking the pizza if I did that that’d be a total disaster like, what a travesty dude.”

“...you’re double baked you moron.”

“Heh, _yeah_ I am.” A grin immediately rose to his face before withering away once more into a mournful expression, one of loss and the pain of rejection. He looked like someone had just kicked his dog. In fact, he looked like the proverbial dog that got kicked.

Weevil sighed long and dramatic before he gently scooted himself out from under his work table and stood. Stretching to get the creaks out of his joints, he placed his tools to the side and took out his own phone, pulling up Google and quickly tapping away at the keyboard.

“Okay is it Taste of Italy?”

Rex looked up from his utter despair and blinked wide, red-rimmed eyes slowly at him. “Uh, no. Not that one.”

“Partner’s?”

“Nope.”

He scrolled past the obvious ones, larger chains that Rex couldn’t possibly be talking about; pizza joints that were well known like Pizza Hut, Papa John’s Little Caesar’s, and Hungry Howie’s. “Santino’s?”

“No.”

“D’Angelo’s?”

“Nah it wasn’t like some dude’s name or anythin’ like that.”

The bug lover putted and sucked at his front teeth in thought for a moment as he scrolled past more ‘nope’s. “Hmm okay, Gondolier?”

A light lit up nice and bright behind Rex’s eyes—and then died like a candle being doused with an entire bucket of water. “Shit nah I was thinkin’ but, that one’s like on the other side of where I’m thinking of.”

This back and forth went on for a solid two minutes before Weevil finally grunted in annoyance and pocketed his phone. “I don’t know what to tell you, dipshit. I can’t find your pizza place. If you’re really so hung up on getting wings on your pizza like a disgusting loser just call Little Caesar's and I’m sure they’ll get you. Enough potheads work there to cater to your insufferable needs.”

It was like a damn choir of angels suddenly burst into the room screaming and simultaneously set Rex on fire as they sang. He jumped clean off of the sofa, somehow contorting himself midair well enough to land on his feet and not in a jumbled mess like it seemed he should have. His reddened eyes were glazed with a fervent hysteria barely masked by his enormous grin and the way his hands were shaking.

“Yeah! _Yeah!!_ They’re the ones I’ve been trying to find!!” He looked absolutely manic with the way his face was glowing with excitement and rapture. He was practically shimmering with anticipation and probably pizza-based arousal.

Yikes.

Weevil looked ready to throttle him.

“You’re shitting me.”

“No man Little Caesar's! One of the guys who works there offered to put wings on for me I just gotta ask for him when I call! It’s like Jeremy or Francis or Jericho or somethin’!”

“You are _shitting_ me.”

“No!! He’s totally got my back dude!” He practically lunged across the living room and wrangled his boyfriend into a totally unwilling hug, planting a wet, weed-tasting kiss smack on his lips with a dubious grin and absolutely no acknowledgment to the struggle Weevil was putting up—and failing miserably. When he finally deflated and gave in to his fate Rex let him go, oblivious to the way he stumbled and caught himself on the coffee table, wiping furiously at his mouth.

He grumbled his way back over to his work table, dropping unceremoniously into his squeaky rolling chair. It started rolling aimlessly across the uncarpeted den floor and he just let it do it’s thing, too dead inside to really care anymore. His life was a mess. He couldn’t bring himself to get annoyed or to be exasperated or to even notice the dumb shit his partner did. Nope, he was completely immune. Completely and utterly desensitized, like a bratty kid watching too many gore porn flicks on Netflix.

That is until he heard, “Yeah with the wings on the pizza, and hold the cheese man, but like, on the side, ya know? I wanna like wrap the pizza in cheese afterwards like a nice cozy blanket, but like, cheesy.” A pause. “Right?! Isn’t it fuckin’ genius?!”

….no. No no. This was too much. He was going to bed. He was going to go stop existing. He was going to—

Weevil stood dejectedly, wiping a hand over his tired eyes, and walked back into the living room where he promptly face planted onto the couch. What the hell was he going to do with his dumb ass, marijuana loving, too-cute-for-his-own-good-but-fuck-you-I-didn’t-say-it-out-loud boyfriend?

Oh well. At least there’d be pizza.

...sort of.

**Author's Note:**

> :'D I have zero excuses.  
> So I haven't written anything for chapter 2 of When Did It, and I'm working on a puppy/violet piece as well as a separate shrimp piece right now but didn't feel like writing for either of them. I DID really want to write tonight however so... Here it is! My lovely fucking trash children lmao. Hope y'all enjoyed!! Thanks for putting up with my gremlins lmao xD


End file.
